Too Cool
by yuneame
Summary: Ok, that is either one really gay guy or one really manly girl, yeah..." Crack fic. You just gotta read it to find out : Theres NO yaoi or anything...


Oh, how he wanted to smack him (it).

Wipe that nonexistent smirk off that girly face, and be able to enjoy _its_ horrorstruck expression while laughing until his lungs hurt.

Really, who sticks their arm out like _that_?

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(Insert Flashback for audience)

"Ok, that's either one really gay guy or one really manly girl, yeah…" Deidara muttered.

_Kisame's eyes nearly bugged out of his blue face. Nobody insulted Uchiha Itachi. _

…

_Nobody not dead anyway._

_Itachi, on the other hand, just parted his cloak and struck the "Itachi Pose". Deidara wondered if the cloak had two-way zippers._

"_Are you Deidara?" The ignorant Uchiha asked._

"_Or maybe its gender-less, yeah…" The blonde continued while kneading some clay. He was working on the fiftieth piece today. His personal workshop was filled with chewed up explosi-…er, art._

_A sudden wind blew through the cluttered room, and Itachi raised the hand hanging out of his shirtfront with an air of dignity, covering his eyes in the process. He let the bangs swish around his fingers, keeping the hair from tangling in his lashes._

_This time around, even Kisame thought it looked gay._

_When the breeze settled, Itachi's arm returned to its previous position along with his pristine long hair._

"_It's definitely a woman, yeah."_

"…"

"…_Join the Akatsuki."_

_Suddenly, Deidara was trapped in a genjutsu filled with dancing Itachi's. They pranced in a circle around their horrified victim, singing "Join the Akatsuki or die!" in a catchy tune. Soon, Deidara was singing along, too._

"_Join the Akatsuki or die! Yeah!" He screamed, stroking his long ponytail and waving around a chunk of white substance. Kisame stared in wonder, unaffected by Itachi's genjutsu._

So this was the new punishment he came up with,_ Kisame thought._

(End flashback)

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Tch, that hair, Itachi's _obviously _copying _his_ style. Anyone could see that.

And don't forget the birds. Its already been three years since Deidara joined the Akatsuki, molding his clay flappadoodles (not only flappadoodles :D) day and night to practice for when he was needed to blow someone up. Just when he was feeling a little bit out of the dump from exploding the hideout by accident, Itachi waltzes into battle using black _birds_ in genjutsu. Really. Why birds.

Because _he_ was using them of course.

Deidara knew he was cool, but not that awesomely cool. Probably not enough to influence gay men. Or manly women. Or maybe even '_it'_s. But Itachi was obviously obsessed with his feminine manliness, and his rad skills with bombs.

Totally.

And Deidara just wanted to smack Itachi's pale and glossy complexion over and over. And over. Until that good for nothing Uchiha stopped using _his_ mini portable hairbrush for curling his girly eyelashes. Look at how curly they are. Curly enough.

Oh, but Deidara didn't even mention his eyeliner yet! Just that other morning…

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(Flashback)

"_Hey! Open up that door, yeah!" Deidara had been banging his fists on the bathroom door for the past seven minutes (he counted) and nobody would answer him. What was Itachi doing in there?_

"_Just shut up will ya? He probably just has damn diarrhea." Hidan said, walking past with Kakuzu by his side._

"_Oh, maybe he'll die from it and save us some money…We're seriously running out of edible food…" The masked money lover couldn't help but add._

"…"

"_I have an idea, yeah!" Deidara screamed out of nowhere. He pulled out a piece of clay and allowed the mouth on his right hand chew it up. After a few minutes, a small white spider popped out and latched itself on the bathroom doorknob._

"_Heh, I'll blow it open!" _

"_Just don't make the roof collapse like last time." Konan warned, coming out from a wall. It was a secret passageway that was made into a secret passageway pretty recently. To cover up a huge cavity someone blew up._

_After checking to make sure the creepy crawler was still intact, Deidara jumped away just in time for a huge KA-BOOM! He ran back as soon as the spit scented smoke cleared away, getting so excited that his hands were panting with eagerness._

_Where the bathroom entrance had been was a large singed hole, revealing an unperturbed Uchiha Itachi studying a crappy mirror. It was, in fact, the only mirror in the entire hideout, a cheap pink plastic one that Kakuzu was forced to buy in a Barbie doll package. The doll was given to Sasori for his birthday._

_Deidara was not thinking about anything as pleasant as birthday presents. Not really._

"_Is that _my eyeliner_?" He yelled, fuming. It was always 'hands off' on his eyeliner. His precious black eyeliner, that his father gave him before he died. 'Use this, to look beautiful my girl' were his last words to his much-mortified son. _

_But despite that, the simple make-up stick made Deidara feel confident in his looks. No one was allowed to abuse the eyeliner… unless you wanted to end up in a stick of it yourself._

"_No, you are SO NOT USING MY EYELINER!" Itachi seemed not to hear. _Maybe he had gone deaf_, Deidara thought. The blonde was having a seizure right next to his ear. He even took the time to foam at the mouth to make it seem real._

_Er…mouths._

"_Ah! Ahhhhh! Stop it! STOP IT! What are you DOING?! Abuse, ITS SCREAMING ABUSE! Don't even…I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THEY WERE FAKE!"_

_Yes. Indeed, Itachi was using Deidara's eyeliner to draw two markings under his eyes (or…in between)._

_Itachi had better be deaf. _

------ ----- ---------- --- - - ------ ----- ------

He's completely through with holding it in. This needed to sto-

"Wake up, un. We have a mission." Itachi said, walking into Deidara's room.

He did _not_ just say 'un'. The only way to stop this mess was to slap Itachi, or be less cool! And of course Deidara wasn't just going to 'not be cool'. The pissed and yellow-haired ninja (piss and yellow in a sentence sounds weird…) leapt out of bed and landed in front of a stoic Itachi. Raising his hand (that had a mouth on it) he slapped the girly man's face over and over. Just like in his dreams! Oh, how long has he waited to do this?

And then Deidara woke up, to realize he was slapping his favorite pillow.

"Itachi, you will pay for this, yeah!" He cried, sobbing. It was a few moments before he realized his tears were wetting the pillow.

So he sobbed even harder. For the sake of his pillow, eyeliner, and coolness.

* * *

THE END

A/n: PURE CRACK XD


End file.
